NevER again

 

Let me preface this with: Ben is totally fine. 

 

We landed in the ER tonight. Single scariest moment of my life to date as a mama. I'm not sure whether to be thankful for that or totally terrified still that it happened (maybe just embrace both).

 

We met some friends at pump it up this afternoon for a fun afternoon play date (which is such a rare thing these days). I was in one of the jump houses before our friends arrived just playing my heart out with the kids. I was thinking to myself "this is awesome, we haven't had this much interactive fun in a long time". I was playing monster with them and I kept thinking, "sheesh, this could end so badly". Ironically what happened to land us in the ER had nothing to do with an inflatable bounce house or 2 & 4 year olds jumping millimeters from one another.

Brooklyn and her friend were running around chasing each other. 

 

I only remember it in slow motion now. Ben was standing right next to me, I was talking to my girlfriend, when Brooklyn came tearing into Ben, running faster than I've ever seen her run and smacked right into him. He went back like a sack of bricks, smacked his head on concrete covered with a thin layer of carpet (hardest floors ever). No joke he bounced, he hit the floor THAT hard. I scooped him up.  His eyes rolled back in his head and he started falling asleep on my shoulder immediately. I don't really remember what exactly happened from there. I don't think he ever actually fell asleep, but he definitely lost consciousness. When he came to he was hysterical but couldn't talk or focus his eyes on anything. I was just staring at him, begging him to look me in the eyes. He couldn't, his poor eyeballs were vibrating back and forth in his head. I felt like I was having an out of body experience. I didn't cry, I know that, but I remember thinking "stop shaking Lauren".

 

Thankfully Christie (my friend) rushed up to the front and dialled 911. So the fire truck & ambulance came. They checked him out and gave me the option to drive him in or take him to the ER myself. They thought he definitely had a concussion and said it sounded like he might have had a seizure. The dr didn't think so (soooooo grateful for that).

 

I opted to drive. The (most) bizarre part here is that as we were leaving  a man with an automatic rifle slung across his shoulder came walking by (seriously, like it was nothing...he actually looked me in the eye and smiled). The wonderful fire man that had walked me out to my car was standing right there with me as this guy passed by. He hustled us into the car, told me to drive the back way out of the parking lot and they rushed off to radio the police (or follow him) who knows. Seriously BIZARRE and SCARY.

 

So off we went to st v's. By this time Ben had calmed down completely and by the time we got to the hospital I actually questioned whether we even needed to go in. I did of course. We got him all checked out and the dr said it was def a concussion but not to worry about internal bleeding as the chances for that are like 1/10,000. I'm not a fan of those odds (that was the same odds of Luke's diagnoses). So we're home, safe and sound. Both kids are asleep and I'm supposed to check on Benny throughout the night. Ugh. Worst afternoon in a long time...but I am so incredibly thankful for God's amazing mercy. Things really can change in an instant. I was wandering around pump it up with my baby in my arms just pleading with God over and over "please take care of Ben". over.and.over. again.

 

This story could have had a much different ending. I am grateful it didn't, I am grateful I have (once again) a fresh, renewed sense of how precious life and health is and to treasure every moment.

 

Thank you Lord for protecting your son tonight. I promise to love him to infinity and beyond.

weekend getaway: seattle with the girls

I am blessed to have some of the most amazing friends on earth. I'm not exaggerating either. I truly have the BEST friends. period. Friends I've known all my life, some I met when Matt and I started dating and some I've just met since having kids. I feel unworthy of the people I get to be surrounded and influenced by.

Three of these friends I got the opportunity to get away with this past weekend. Erin O, Erin P and Britt (all my riverwest bible study mom friends). We planned this trip when Erin moved to Spokane a year ago. It was SO incredibly wonderful. All of it. Restorative, relaxing, lots of talking, shopping and eating. Oh, and not a single interruptions. What what!

We stayed in a FOUR star hotel, with the corner room. Not too shabby.

 The first night we went out to pizza and just sat and talked, and talked, and then lingered long after the check was paid to...you guessed it, talk some more.

 On Saturday morning Erin and I woke up and headed out for a five mile run down on the water. It was gorgeous and dry morning, cold but so exhilarating.

Then we headed out to "Biscuits" for breakfast. Oh.my.goodness... it was amazing.

Erin & I



Britt & Erin

Thank you to my hubby for blessing me with this time away. It was just enough to come home recharged.

Zoo Lights 2012

Last week we bundled up and headed to zoo lights with the Wilson family. It was insanely cold, but so fun! I couldn't help but laugh at how Ben flipped his lid for the "choo choo twain"...as last year he had the worlds most epic melt down. What growth (and respect for the rail way world) a year can bring. So blessed to be able to make these memories year after year with my favorite people in the world.

Zoo lights with his girl (last year left, this year right)

 



couldn't believe his LUCK!

Precious Noah with his precious mama Christie

Josh and Natalie (Ben's girl match in the personality department :)

Ben's eyes could not be pryed away from the train.



Turkey and more turkey





Thanksgiving was wonderful this year. Benny's birthday was ON thanksgiving, so we strarted the day off with cinnamon rolls and an amazing egg dish Matt made. Then I took the kids to a play date at pump it up, then home and both babes napped! So Matt and I had two hours to just unwind and hang out together before dinner. It was AMAZING. Funny how the smallest things can bring the biggest joy.

 

After nap we headed to Cris's for dinner with  my parents, Bethany and the four of us. We had a great time. Ben got to open his gifts and then we all enjoyed the spread. I can't go without mentioning the dessert buffet. Cris made three four pies 

Little man's birthday party was at Pizza Caboose on Friday morning after Thanksgiving. He had a blast. They have a train that circles around and around the track up on the wall. He just kept staring at it totally enamored. He was also quite smitten with the cupcakes shaped in a turkey. I am so in love with this video of him. The way he just rests his head on his fists and stares at them with such longing. Priceless.

Ben & Lexi taking care of the pizza

Gorgeous girls- D & Remi, Kris & Kinners

Brooklyn and Braeden

Ben, here are your catch phrases at the bench mark of your 2nd birthday:
Ahhh man
Ooh nap (oh snap!)
Sure!
Jeah! (for ya)
Ok, we will
NOOOOOO!

You make us laugh daily little man. You are such a light in this world, you have more personality than we even know what to make of. You have realllllly challenged me these past several months, but so did your sister and we survived, and now look, she's the best big sis anyone could ask for.

You and Brooklyn and truly best friends. You love to play puppies with her. She likes to boss you around, but man, you can hold your own.

You tell us all that you love us: "I lub you daddeeee", it melts us. When you say it to one person, the other three always chime in asking you to say it to us too.

You love to be the star of the show, you love to dance, you ADORE trains. Your newest favorite show is "Thomas the Choo Choo Train" which you ask for most emphatically. You still adore Elmo with all your heart. Construction trucks, any emergency response vehicle captures your attention.

You like to pray before dinner. You will often say "pray?" and then fold your hands over your mouth and what we hear most of the time is "mama, dada, sissy, amen". I love this the most of all the things you do right now.

You still thoroughly love being naked. You do the naked dance and then strip youself down. We have begun to limit this per teacher Kathy's instructions after the last blog post :) You are not allowed to get naked any hour of the day whether at home or in public like you would like; but you are managing to adjust.

You think your daddy hung the moon. Your papa and grandpa too. They are definetly your fist bumping, wresting buddies. Oh how you light up when your dad walks through the door. I am in awe of the difference in your relationship with him at this age compared to Brooklyn's with daddy when she was two. You boys will stand in the family room and shoot hoops for hours on end. Or go outside and rake leaves together, or snuggle up on the couch and "watch the game" as you say.

I would comment on you what your favorite food is, but really it's generally all food. If it's food, you'll eat it. You have a sweet tooth (no surprise) just like your mom and sister. You fancy pizza quite a bit and most anything with meat or cheese.

Ben, thank you for the joy you have brought to us. As hard as some of the moments over the past two years have been...the beautiful ones cancel those out ten fold. I used to wonder what God had planned while we waited for our family to come to fruition, and I couldn't fathom what he had planned, and now I know why. You and Brooklyn are unfathomable. You are truly a GIFT, and one I often take for granted, but never forget I have. I love you more each day, so beware to your future bride, by the time you are marrying age I'm going to be one love sick mama :-))

All my love,
Mom

Jesus (a lot to be thankful for)

This past Monday night, November 19 at 6:30pm Brooklyn asked Jesus to come live in her heart.

She has been asking a lot of questions over the last few months about how people go to heaven and what things make God happy. We explained to her about the "prayer" we both prayed when we were young to ask Jesus into our hearts. Two weeks ago when she was asking some more questions Matt said "Brooklyn, whenever you are ready to ask Jesus to come live in your heart and be with you always, we can pray it together". She got really shy and said quietly "no, I'm not ready".

Before I got home on Monday night, she said to Matt "I have love in my heart", Matt said " who do you have love for?" B "God! Do you think that makes Him smile?" to which Matt replied warmly "that makes Him happier than anything".

So later that evening I asked her about their conversation and she said she was ready to say the prayer. All four of us snuggled up on the couch, holding hands. I can't remember the exact prayer, but listening to Brooklyn's sweet voice repeat her daddy's words made tears come streaming down my face. Truthfully Matt and I caught eachothers gaze right after she whispered "amen" and we were both so elated, eyes overflowing with tears. How blessed that moment was.

She has since told anyone and everyone in every which way she can think to say it...that Jesus is living in her heart.

Today at school was her Thanksgiving feast. The teachers always ask the kids what they are most thankful for. This is what her placemat read.

This brings tears to my eyes all over again. This Thanksgiving I feel we have a LOT (as always) to be thankful for.

The kids sang "God Bless America" before the feast began. It was so precious...however, I couldn't really hear anything on the video I took, so when we got home I asked her to sing it for me. Here she is. I could listen to this all day.

Happy **early** Thanksgiving. Tomorrow is not only Thanksgiving, but it's also Benny's birthday! My boy is TWO. Wow. So, more posts to come.

xo

only because I want to remember it ALL

Wow, oh my gosh. We have a two year old. Seriously. Like overnight this kid has become a full blown terrorist.

Here's the cliff's notes:

Matt has meetings til well past bed time every night this week and school on Thursday, so I've been on my own. On Monday night bed time was a battle of wills. I thought Brooklyn was the most stubborn two year old ever, I think Ben is trying to up the anty. He climbed out of his bed 14 times after I had put him down for the night. Nothing was working. I can't force him to stay in his bed. So after Brooklyn was fast asleep and we had been doing this dance for almost an hour I heard his door open for the 15th time. I was in the kitchen so stood as quietly as I could and waited for him to come all the way out. He stood at his door and rustled around. Twenty minutes went by. Finally I heard him sucking much harder on his binkie so I came quietly around the corner to find this.

This is the definition of stubborn! I scooped him up, put him in his crib and that was the last I heard out of him until 5:15am. The time change has totally thrown him off. My theme, mantra if you will this month is "it's just a season". We are indeed in a season. A very trying, extremely emotionally draining one.

Here was my day yesterday.

Ben bit my forearm so hard he broke the skin at the mall, he then ripped my tank top and bra down flashing the entire apple store at the mall. I mean, literally showing e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.

We came home and I put him down for his nap after lunch. I came back to our room to do something and heard Brooklyn yelling "mom!!!" I cam out to find Ben had pulled the costco container of grapes off the counter all over the floor. I tried to put him back down a handful of times to no avail and finally realized he would not be napping. The day unraveled a little more from there. Lot's of screaming and hitting. He tried to bite Brooklyn, got a hold of her hair and ripped a few handfuls out.

I heard the kitchen chair being dragged across the floor to come and find this scene.

Yes, that is him reaching for a knife. I snapped this pic and then grabbed him. This kid is a total nudist. I quite literally can't keep clothes on him.

I decided to make popcorn and put a movie on after Brooklyn did some school work as a reward (and to lighten the mood a little). This was the next scene to unfold. I am love having the ability to take pictures of these. As exhausted as I am at the time, I am so thankful to have these to look back on and laugh at. I am not going to lie, I cried a few times yesterday. Peppered in between this boys mischievous antics, he does a lot of screaming "NO!!" and "STOP THAT" and hits. I just want to cave and give in so bad, but I know that's not going to do anything but affirm the things we are trying to correct. It's just exhausting disciplining that kind of behavior for 14 hours straight. Can I get an amen?

 This was his way of getting up on the counter.

I mean, are you kidding me with this kid?!! Who does he think he is? Just lounging on our counter top, naked as a blue jay shoveling popcorn into his gullet. Unreal.

And I write this all with love because like I've said before, I want to remember this stuff...the extreme difficulty of it all...just like the good stuff. I want to be able to show this to Ben some day and say "see, this is why you are paying for your father and my trip to Europe".

I am so thankful for the wisdom and love of my friends. I have had more people offer to take my kids, help me out in whatever form I need or just listen to my rambling. It really does take a village. I walked into the garage yesterday after I totally lost my cool and quietly prayed "Lord, please help me" over and over and over. I know Ben is HIS, and therefore I need to seek what HE wants me to do about all these things first. I am trusting this is "just a season" and we will all come out stronger on the other side.

I am so blessed, and so thankful. I'm also so tired and so ready for a break :)

Halloween and Frank the Tank

Halloween was a BLAST this year! The kids were both stoked.

We went to my mom's office after nap. They invited all the kids of the employee's families to come trick or treat from desk to desk. It was really cool. Ben refused to wear his coat and hat, so we kept saying he was an "off duty" fireman. Brooklyn showed her brother the ropes "see Ben, you say trick or treat, and they give you candy". Ben heard candy and was fully on board!

Ben sang songs to people, Brooklyn pointed out how good she looked, they chased each other around, they loved seeing the other kids there all dressed up; it was a lot of fun. We ended up leaving after lot's of oohhing and aaahhing with two huge bags filled with candy. Score! So, it's 4pm and they have both already had at least two pieces of candy. I could feel the energy level rising in the car as we scooted off to Kristin and Gary's for dinner and trick or treating with the girls. Matt met us there...where it was revealed I had forgotten to bring his change of clothes (that he reminded me of at least 3x). So he borrowed some clothes from Gary. Matt walked out and Kris and I started laughing because he looked just like Gary. I wish I had made them stand next to each other for a picture.

We ate dinner and then hit the pavement. Brooklyn was yelling as we ran out the door "come on! Let's go steal some kids candy!!" She said it twice and I said Brooklyn, why do you keep saying that? Did you hear that on a show? She responded "No Gary said it!". Hahahaha, he said to the girls (joking) as they let "go steal some kids candy". It gave us a really good laugh.

this is what "done posing for pictures" looks like :)

Everyone had a blast, even Ben and Kinley. Ben had a sucker in his hand 90% of the trip, so he would reach his sticky little fingers into each person's bowl and grab a piece. Well, if I'm being totally honest, most of the time he would grab one, then speak Benny gibberish to the lovely home owner, they would smile and then he'd go in for another 1,2,3 pieces and not one person said no. In fact, it was as though they were suddenly under his little spell offering this cute, sticky little fireman all the candy he could grab. Con artist baby :)

We were all the way up the street in a really nice neighborhood (about an hour in) when Ben decided enough was enough. He threw his bucket of candy on the floor, took his fireman coat off, helicoptered it above his head, threw it on the ground and then quickly ripped his suspenders down and proceeded to walk to the next house with his pants around his ankle, baring his stomach as well. This boy!! A pack of dad's with beers in hand walked by as I was furiously trying to coax him back into his pants and they started cracking up. One yelled out "Frank the tank! Frank the tank" and then another one said "come on buddy! we're going streaking through the quad". Ben was just laughing and running in circles while his harried mama (ME!) chased him like a greased pig.

I realized we wouldn't be making it home without a ride, so I called Matt to drive up and grab us. We packed in like a clown car and headed home.

The girls had a blast! They did so good. Manners, hand holding, lots of compliments to one another. It was a pure success.

Such great memories. Now if only I could keep pants and diaper on this son of mine. He would really, truly, genuinely be naked all day, every day, at home or in public if it was socially acceptable and not hygienically un-cool.

Happy Halloween from the Feenstra Four!