I was about to write a scathing post. A rant about how SERIOUSLY hard the last few weeks have been. I was about to tell you how my son refused to sit in his high chair tonight while out to dinner at Red Robin with a friend and her littles. Screaming bloody murder, I finally caved and let him out. He proceeded to take off across the restaurant, find the broom and then whack everything in sight including his poor disheveled mother with it. I was about to tell you how exhausted I am because the kid won't SLEEP at night!! Seriously, day 5 of 7 that he has been up over 3 hours during the night. I drove home this evening thinking ridiculous thoughts (all of which are true) but still ridiculous, and selfish, about how stinking hard this all is *right now*.
EXHALE.
Then, I opened up blogger (prepared to be truly raw, honest and candid) to find a post from fellow blogger on the top of my page. She is due any moment with her first baby.
The joy in her voice, the sheer giddiness leading up to those final moments before baby comes...it reverberates off the page. She's in love beyond her wildest dreams, but she has no idea what's to come. How her heart will grow even more than it already has! It is truly incomprehensible.
So, the truth is...life kinda sucks at the moment (and that's ok). It's hard to be a single parent. Have a husband who feels like utter crap, who works full time and is the throws of an ethics/law class and has a paper due tomorrow. Hey, I can be honest. It's a brief season, this much I KNOW.
HOWEVER, I needed that beautiful image in my head. The flash back to being "due any day". The picture in my head of how longed for these two stubborn, strong willed children of mine were. I ached for them in a way most can't fathom. So, tonight I am admitting this parenting thing (especially the ages- 3 & 1) is hard!!! But, it's still all good.
A precious older couple who had the misfortune of sitting behind our table at red robin walked out at the same time as we did. The gentleman looked at me and said "he's so cute, and funny!" I grumbled in my head all the way to the car (while Ben proceeded to screech in my ear and rip at my hair) "it's not funny or cute!". And it's not... to me right now. But that's the beauty of perspective, it will be, someday. When he's onto GI Joes and far too busy to snuggle me after school, these moments will have a lasting effect. They just give me wrinkles right now.
I felt the same as I was driving out of the parking lot last night. But of course when I was dreading the thought of how early it was and I still had at least 1 whole hour till silence, I looked in my back mirror to see my kiddos holding hands for the first time. The radio was screaming our favorite CD (Florence and the Machine or as B calls it "the Machine songs") telling me that you can't dance with the devil on your back so shake it off!
ReplyDeleteWe did all the way home, danced and laughed. Friend, you are an awesome Mother. Your sweet Brook Brook sat in her chair almost the whole dinner as my 3 year old acted like it was hurting him to sit still for 30 minutes. This season will pass with Ben. He will soon be able to vocalize what he needs and understand his limits. Boys are hard on their Momma's just like girls give their Daddy's a run for their money (and their guns). Love you. PS, a great blog that I am totally addicted to is below. She is a stunning rock star (read her birth stories, they are raw and life altering). I don't think she is a Believer but she is empowering, reassuring and encouraging.
http://www.kellehampton.com/2012/02/joan-of-arc.html
you brought me to tears. you are a GREAT mama and you have some of the most beautiful and spirited and outgoing kiddos I've ever seen. that is a BLESSING.
ReplyDeleteWe had the SAME experience with Canon at McMenamins. Travis and I had to take turns taking him outside and letting him run a few laps during dinner. We're not going to attempt eating out with him for at least a few more years. It's as hard on him as it is on us.
ReplyDeletewrinkles? what wrinkles. you're perfect just as you are.
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