I picked Brooklyn up from school today and she was running around in the room with two of the other students (both girls). One of the little girls stopped Brooklyn and put her hands on her chest and was saying "no, stop" to her. I couldn't tell exactly what context they had been playing, but the way I took it was this little girl was telling B she couldn't play chase with them. I walked right over and kind of just stood there, examining the situation, waiting to intervene. The game fizzled out and I said "Brooklyn, let's get going". I walked out with tears stinging my eyes. I literally had to hold it together and choke them back. I have never in all my life felt a burning inside like that. She was completely un-phased by it, in fact while asking her all kinds of questions on the way home she said the girls are really nice to her, so who really knows.
I plan to talk to both of her teachers on Thursday to find out if this has ever been a problem before. I have never heard a word about any issues from her or her teachers, so maybe it was nothing and I'm totally reading into it...but it gave me a glimpse into what will happen someday. Not everyone is going to love my sweet baby, and just like I had to go through some hard friendships and feelings of exclusion & bullying, I know B will as well. It just hurts so much more on this side of things. Funny thing...a mother's love. There is truly nothing I wouldn't do to protect my children, and I have never felt anything so instinctual: that need to protect her. Don't mess with my babies!!
My wonderful sister in law reminded me of one of the funniest stories ever. Her best friend Brit's mom (when they were three) told a little girl who had been repeatedly mean to Brit, that they were having a circus part with real lions and tigers and that she wasn't invited. Ha! Made me giggle.
It's true what they say, having children changes everything. I already knew this, I've just been learning that the truth TO it only intensifies as they grow. Just as my love for them grows deeper every day, so do my concerns with raising children in this world, protecting, providing, edifying, enriching and raising them to be gentle, kind, generous people. I can't protect them from everything, and that's a jagged pill to swallow. I guess my main job is to raise them to be smart enough to know when someone just needs prayer, and how to walk away and shake it off.
Its so devastating to watch your child be brutally excluded. I remember sobbing to my dad when Tay was excluded from a bday party going on right in front of our yard. The mother even told Tay that she couldn't be in the picture she was taking. Tay came home crying and it broke my heart. I tried to redirect Tay (all while trying not to let her see my sadness) and remind her of who her true friends are. You are a good mama friend!
ReplyDeleteoh Lauren, that must have been so hard. It does break your heart to see things like that.
ReplyDeletei feel for you. i think i told you brae's getting picked on story. true or not, it still just hurts your heart. being a mom means you agree to forever allow your heart live outside of your body. and that means others can penetrate it.
ReplyDelete...or when to call you so you can beat up the other kid. Okay, kidding. Mostly.
ReplyDelete