Benjamin Matthew

What a week! I say that with nothing but joy in my voice.

To pick up where I left off Monday morning, we went to St. V's at 1:30, by 3pm they had me in our room and hooked up to the pitocin. My parents and Matt's mom came by to visit and then it was show time. At 5:30 my midwife came in, checked me and I was 4-5cm, 85% and making good progress. I wasn't feeling much pain at this point. She broke my water and predicted 10:20 for delivery. Matt said he cringed the moment she put a time stamp on it. I had that hour, down to the minute in my head from that point on. I thought to myself, I can do this, I can do anything for 5 hours.

So, the contractions came on fast and furious within 20 min of having my water (what very little there was) broke. I labored very calmly on the birthing ball to music for the next 3 hours. Around 8:30 the nurse came in and turned the pit up one more notch. That was where my body began to shut down. Within minutes I went from feeling good, calm and relaxed to nauseous and shaking uncontrollably. She checked me again and said I was still about 4-5 and 85%. I wish I hadn't let her check me. My mind began to get the better of me and an hour or so later I told Matt I couldn't do it anymore and wanted to have the epidural. It was the shaking that was the hardest, it caused me to just lose control of any control I had of my contractions.

So, the anesthesiologist came at 10:50, at this point I am still very focused on each contraction, but the pain was so intense I couldn't talk at all. I just did as they told me and held as still as possible. I was feeling incredible pressure, and I knew I was transitioning, but it was too late, the epidural catheter was in and he was just getting ready to finish me off. So, to sum up, I got my epidural just in time to do nothing! He gave me one dose to start and said it would take a while to catch up with my body. My nurse (whom I LOVED) came in again and all I could muster out between contractions was "pressure, lot's of pressure". So, low and behold I was 9-10cm, 100% thinned and baby was +2!!
The rest is a bit blurry, I remember saying I felt like I was ready, so final check revealed his head was crowning, and I was ready to push. This was the part that stunk, here I was tied to the bed because I had an epidural in, but it was 100% ineffective because of how far I was when I got it. Good news in hindsight because I got to experience the entire process start to finish med free.
I pushed for 7 minutes and he came out so calmly, no crying, they laid him on my chest and Matt said I was looking all over to try to get a glimpse of whether it was a he or she and finally yelled out "it's a boy!". That will forever be our joke because I told matt I wanted him to tell me what it was so he says I stole his thunder :) After about 15 minutes of just holding him and kissing him Matt cut the cord they cleaned him up and he went straight for the boob! Hallelujah!

We went to his first dr appt this morning and he has gained back 5oz already. The nurse watched him feed and told me she had never seen such a fantastic latcher and eater at 5 days old. Can I express what joy this brings me. There have been so many people praying for this so specifically for me and it's just a testament to the fact that God listens and He answers.
Ben is a total chow hound, I have spent the majority of the last 5 days with him on the boob, but I don't mind at all. I am just trying to be very aware that as soon as I can put him down I need to so I can touch and hug and play with Brooklyn.
Speaking of Brooklyn, she did great on Wed afternoon when she and Matt came to pick us up, she was so sweet and gentle. However that night was a train wreck. She was so confused and begged us not to make her go to sleep. Broke.my.heart. She has been so much better with each day that goes by and today has by far been the best. She woke up in a great mood and then she offered her blanky to Ben- huge milestone, as blanky is definitely her security thing during this time. She hasn't let it out of her sight.
I could not be more in love with Ben, Brooklyn or Matt. I am completely humbled at how fortunate I am. Not to mention all our awesome, amazing friends! To say the very least it has been an AMAZING week.
Matt will be home with me all next week as well. Hip hip hooray!
Thank you all for your love, support and prayers over these past months. I cannot believe I have a son to love on this side of heaven. I know Luke will be waiting with great joy and anticipation to have Ben as his brother for life someday in heaven.