Buh buh buh

This is the scene that has been running in my head all day. Need I say more?
I really thought this might be the state matt would find me in tonight when he get's home. Thankfully there is a glorious thing called naptime, in which I get some quiet and perspective. So honey, I am sorry for being a little "buh buh buh", she has just worn me out!

Why did no one warn me that the TWO's were so HARD?!!!?

In the words of my little spitfire "oh-me-my-gosh". TGIF is all I have to say!

Yesterday I was so excited to go see her after I got done at the store. I walked into grandma's house expecting a big hug and a smile. Instead she walked right up to me and hit me! Okay?? So, I disciplined and that is where it really began to go down hill. To say the least since yesterday afternoon and off and on all day today there have been multiple tantrums, time outs, bouts of screaming, a lot of "NO's!" and refusing to hold my hand when walking in the street. Basically she has become a full fledged two year old over night.

She has figured out that there is nothing waiting at the other end of 1.2.3, so guess what's on the table for serious discussion at the Feenstra house this weekend? Yup, discipline. Spanking vs time out, punishment vs reward, etc. I have been praying very specifically for guidance in this area for a long time, so God please give me grace, patience and wisdom.

I keep wondering if she is acting out a little sooner than some of her peers because she knows there is a big change on the way. I am learning at a rapid pace that the mother-daughter relationship is an amazing one, but going to be filled with moments like these forever going forward. We are raising a little woman, and I just long for so much for her, but in the end- I can only be a guide and a model, I cannot live her life for her. Talk about pressure! This morning I lost my cool because she was on the floor screaming at the top of her lungs, banging on the floor for a "snack". There are only so many times I can listen to the high pitched wail for a snack before it makes something inside of me- snap! Then I feel awful and ashamed for yelling...because after all, she's only TWO. She just seems so much older at times, that it's easy to forget that, and even harder to manage.

I read a quote the other day that I loved "I want to be who I long for my child to become". So true. I guess that's where grace comes in. Even though I failed miserably today, I get a clean slate whenever I ask for it, and that is amazing. Lord, give me patience and perspective. Amen.