24 weeks along!

24 week stats: baby is weighing in at 1lb (give or take) and as long as an ear of corn or a large papaya (about a foot long). Wow! I will never cease to be amazed by the creation of life. It is truly a miracle. Eyes are fully formed, and baby's hearing will be completely formed by the end of next week.

I feel great, and this baby seems to take after his/her sister and gets the hick-ups often. I remember my tummy vibrating from top to bottom when Brooklyn would get them. I just love to feel this baby move...it always makes me catch my breath. There is not one time I don't just marvel at it and thank God all over again for keeping this child alive, healthy and safe and sound until delivery.

As for names, we haven't made much more progress, but I loved all of your suggestions. At this point the front runners for girl names are:

Harper

Autumn

Kate (my first pick, but it's going to take some major convincing on matt's part- he dated a Kate in college and it's just kind of weird, which I totally get)

**What if we spelled it Cate? Hmmm.

Luke Henry Feenstra 8.10.2007

Today is the 3rd anniversary since we said goodbye to our sweet baby boy. Luke Henry Feenstra was born into the arms of Jesus at 8:52 pm on August 10th, 2007. He was just over 5 1/2 inches long, small enough to hold in the palm of our hand. He was beautiful, 10 fingers, 10 toes, perfect little lips and eyes closed.

I have spent more time reflecting and remembering Luke's short time with us this year, I am sure it is because I am pregnant again, and that in itself draws a myriad of emotions out of me. I went to our caring page to re-read the journey as well as pullled out my personal journal from my pregnancy with him. It feels like a lifetime ago and like yesterday all in the same. Losing a child (wether pregnant 10 days or having a child here on earth for years) is something you never get over. I don't think God intends for us to ever "get over it". It's a scar Matt and I carry that no one else can see or feel.

"This has been the most difficult week thus far for me, as I watch my precious belly grow, I fall more and more in love with this child, and there are moments where it is so hard to keep a brave face on. I have to remind myself that I am not strong enough to pull through this on my own, and wasn't created to do so, God just waits for me to cry out to Him, and I always do, it doesn't mean it's any less difficult." I wrote this on 8.6.10 (right around the time he passed)

It is amazing to look at Brooklyn and know that He knew her name even during that season of our lives, he knew she would be the first child we would raise here on earth. It truly blows my mind, because in the end I wouldn't change a thing, but even that is hard to say out loud, as the longing for my son will never disappear.

Matt's post on Aug 10, 2007 3:20pm
"To our beloved family and friends,I know you all have been waiting to hear news about our ultrasound appointment this morning. Lauren and I found out the news this morning that the Lord had called Luke Henry Feenstra home sometime this past week. As I write this post, Lauren is laying in a hospital bed in the OHSU labor and delivery wing, preparing to have labor induced. I am home for a few moments to collect some things we need, and then running back to the hospital to be with my beautiful, courageous wife. This has already been one of if not the single hardest days of my life, so amplify that by about 10x and that's probably how Lauren is feeling at this moment. We need your prayers now more than ever, as we are in for 24-36 hours at the hospital and must go through the angony of a still birth. We know that the Lord has shown his incredible mercy to Luke and to our family. We believe that the Lord knew that his path would have been one filled with pain and decided to instead take him up in his arms and give him a life of joy. For that we are grateful. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers this weekend.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything...Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
James 1:2-4,12
Amen. "

I am so thankful to have all these memories, posts, journal entries and pictures to help me remember him. What a treasure. I have spoken to women who lost children during a time where it was not appropriate to grieve a miscarriage or still birth, they were supposed to suffer silently, move on and not speak of it again. That breaks my heart, as we remember by speaking the name of those we lost. I praise my Lord and Savior that Luke never had to know pain here, he was fortunate enough to go straight to Jesus, and live a perfect life from the start. Thank you Lord, for knowing more than simple me.

WHAT MAKES A MOHTER
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
And I know I heard him say.
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true.
But God can you be a Mother
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can He replied
With confidence in His voice
I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay
I just don't understand this, God
I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared His throat
And then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom
Who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quickly
My mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."
So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are ok
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home
They'll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize you are a Mother,
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
And you know you're the best one!
-Jennifer Wasik

Brooklyn-ism's

Our sweet girl is growing up so fast. She talks non stop. Anyone reading this knows that for a fact. I wanted to write a few of our recent favorite "Brooklyn-ism's" down so I don't forget. She makes me laugh.

She calls the bracket that attaches the rail to the wall going up the stairs a "fobie bobie". I dunno??

The other day Matt said "Brooklyn, come here, I need to change your diaper" and she turns on her heals and starts running for the stairs, and over her shoulder yells "I doooon't think so!" Not only do we have no idea where she learned this little phrase, but the way she said it was with such tude! Sassy sista.

In the car on the way to my dr appt last week, Brooklyn was looking out her window, marvelling at all God has made. She yells "look mama, the sunshine!", then as we passed a bank of trees and we were suddenly in the shade she said "bye bye sunshine. I LOVE the sunshine!" It was so precious.

At my dr appt, they brought in the speculum for my exam and she yelled at the top of her lungs "A shovel mommy!!". That one got a big laugh. Then while we were waiting in the exam room she heard a beep from a machine out in the hall and said "I hear it! I hear the dr appointment!". He he.

She also loves the phrase "no one gonna take your _____". She often yells "no, that's my baby" or whatever the object is that she doesn't want to share. Sometimes it's out of the clear blue sky too, no one is trying to take anything from her at all. So Matt and I often say "Brooklyn, no one's gonna take your _____". So she will wander around now saying "no one gonna take your ___". Yesterday when she woke up she had a STINKY diaper and the first thing she said to me is "no one's gonna take your poopy diaper". I laughed, kissed her and said "yes, I am gonna take that poopy diaper".

Every day she often asks to pray, sometimes at the most random times, but we stop what we are doing and thank God for all He has given, and then she says "pray ___" most of the time for friends. Sometimes it's for Ariel or Cinderella. It melts my heart. The smile that spreads across that gorgeous face when she says "AMEN" at the end is enough to make you forget even the greatest cares. She is such a light and our prayer as her parents is that she would always channel that passion she has for life into God's kingdom!

Sweet Brooklyn Michelle, you are the light of our lives. You challenge me every day, but I know you are going to do big things in this world and for God's kingdom because of your tenacious, determined, strong willed personality. I have never met anyone like you, and daddy and I like to think God blessed us with a child who has the spirit of two or three because we waited so patiently for you to come into our lives. We often look at one another and say "what did we do before her". We can't remember life BF (before Brooklyn) and never want to. The days all seem a little brighter and much more meaningful with you here. We are in awe of you. We love you.

B and baby waiting for the ultrasound machine :)

Eagle Crest Family Vacation

Self portrait at lake billy chinook

View at base of smith rock
My cheesy, artsy picture of M & B making daisy chains

B and baby Canon or "Candon" as she would call him

Kelly and I at the top of Pilot Butte

Smith Rock

Coolest park in downtown Bend, they had a rock climbing wall!

Relaxing and playing babies at the condo

LOOOOOVES the water

Do you see the mischief in those gorgeous eyes???

What a fantastic week we had! Matt had 10 days home with us...and it was glorious! Brooklyn crashed into the bathroom counter the night we left for vaca and had a huge bruise (two actually) for the entire trip on her sweet cheek. Yup, that's my girl. This was not the first time I have felt paranoid that people were looking at us like "what did you do to your kid". She is so darn determined to do what she wants, when she wants and how she wants it, regardless of the consequences. We have been praying about how to cultivate and nourish this spirit of hers while keeping her safe, in one piece and without broken bones.

I digress. Vacation was woooonderful. We had the cutest little condo over at Eagle Crest resort in central OR where we did a whole lot of relaxing by the pool, picking flowers out back by the creek, listened to lot's of "musac" as B calls it and eating. It was all that vacation should be! It was also the first time we have been away for more than a day or two just the three of us.

We went to lake billy chinook, hiked around smith rock, climbed pilot butte with the Vlach's and their new baby Canon (or as b calls him "baby candon"), had a great visit with G'ma Carol and G'pa Keith, ate out a few times, went to several parks and hung by the pool. Couldn't have asked for nicer weather, low 80's the whole time. Fabulous.

You know how you know we are first time parents, because we thought we had the greatest travel plan all figured out for B's schedule. Ha! Best laid plans. We left Thursday eve at 8, thinking B would crash and just sleep the whole way over. Nope, she was up til we hit Sisters, so she didn't fall asleep til 20 min before we got there. Thankfully she was in a great mood the whole drive, singing and talking to us. The ride home was another story. We planned that trip around nap time. Left at 1, she crashed 10 min after we left and woke up 30 min later- in a FOUL mood. So from Detroit lake on, she pretty much cried. We were ready for a vacation from vacation by the time we got home :) It's hard work being two years old and confined to the car seat.

20 weeks- half way there!

21 weeks pregnant today! Here are my 20 week pics. Brooklyn LOVES to kiss baby brother/sister (as is evident above :). I am feeling great and starting to get my birth plan together, and by together I mean, haven't written anything down or even decided on a hospital...I've simply realized that I need to do it as this little one is half way baked!!

Matt got to feel baby move for the first time a few days ago, another cool milestone.

We are totally stumped on girl names, so if you have any cool names, shoot me an email. You never know, you may name our kid! How awesome would that be :))

This and that...

Father's Day Breakfast with Daddy!

Snuggles for G'Pa on Father's Day

Concert in the park with Britney & Brae.
This series of Brooklyn trying to kiss Brae at our prompting and Brae trying to get away is priceless. He learned she had alterior motives- the fruit snacks in his hand!

Brooklyn, Taylor, Remi and Kali BFF's

A trip to the fountain park

18 week check up

Hi! I had my BIG anatomy ultrasound last Wed (just a little over 18 weeks pregnant) and it went fantastic! I got in trouble for eating ice cream on the way to the appointment, because baby was going bananas in there. We ended up getting to watch him/her for about an hour. During that time it had the hiccups, sucked it's thumb, moved every which way, and then finally fell asleep. What an incredible thing, the ability to watch that while still in the womb. So amazing.

Stats: baby is in the 75th percentile for overall growth. Weight is about 10 oz, and measuring 5 days ahead still.

Baby looks great, I am feeling great and life is very, very good.

As for my first child. She is AMAZING. If I do say so myself :) She is talking in full sentences now; albeit fragmented. I was trying to recall when that piece of the puzzle entered the picture, and really it's just been in the past 2-3 weeks. She'll wake up and start talking to her lamb that has become her favorite stuffed animal. I'll go listen to her in the office, and she will carry on full conversations with him (or is lambie a her...not sure). "Hi lambie! Did you have a good sleep?" "wanna read a book?". Melts my heart. Then other times I'll hear her yell "no! that's my book". Not sure who she's yelling at, but we have most definitely entered the territorial two's. EVERYTHING is "mine". I am learning very quickly to chose my battles wisely. No point arguing with a toddler over the simple stuff. Hitting however, she knows will be the fastest route possible to time out. She'll look Matt or I dead in the eye and say "no hit dada" or "no bite mama", occasionally when she's really peeved, but knows she'll be totally busted if she hits me, she'll hit her own head and then say "no hit Bookin". What is so sweet though, is she looooves to kiss my belly. She will stop what she's doing, come over and pull up my shirt and say "kiss mommy's tummy, brother/sister". Now we're working on only doing that at home. She fully lifted my shirt in the middle of a restaurant last night to kiss my belly. Matt told me she wanted to kiss his belly the other day :)

My favorite Brooklyn ism's as of late:

Yesterday she pulled the movie "the big lebowski" off the bookshelf and came running over to me saying "look mama's it's papa!" pointing to jeff goodman. Ha! I laughed long and hard at that one.

A couple days ago we were at our mom's group at a park and Brooklyn saw a friend she hadn't seen in months, Victoria. After hearing her say it several times I finally pieced together that she was calling her "tortilla". So adorable! She was walking next to her trying to get her to come somewhere with her saying "come here tortilla". That one got another good laugh.

She's obsessed with all things baby, princess, silly music, books and the show Little Einsteins. What we have also discovered is she is listening to EVERY word we say (good and bad) and there is nothing she can't and won't repeat now. I let a bad word slip the other day (damn it) and quick as it came out of my mouth I hear my little parrot in the back seat "damn it!" "damn it mama". Eeeeek.

She has her father wrapped around her tiny, tiny finger. I love to watch them together. Matt can tear up so easily at the little things, which then makes me tear up. It's just incredible to watch this special bond flourish and grow. They went for a walk to the park the other day, just the two of them, and Brooklyn looked up while playing in the sandbox and said unsolicited "I lub you dada".

I did not know I was capable of a love this intense, and every day I just revel at what God made, and the fact that He made her for His glory...and trusted her to OUR care. Mind boggling. Okay, done gushing.

A few pics from Matt's birthday and baby profile.