Welcome Third Trimester!

28 weeks?? Really? I'm not going to lie, it's flown by this time- but I think that has more to do with keeping extremely busy with a two year old than the actual pregnancy. There are days, no weeks, where I go to bed thinking "ummm, where did the time go and what did I do?". It's a very bitter sweet feeling as I know this is *most likely* the last time I will ever be pregnant, and watching Brooklyn move completely into the toddler stage is saying good-bye to seasons I will never get back. As difficult as the pregnancy road was, with the losses, the grieving, the pain and lack of understanding, it has contributed in a monumental way to the person I am today. Very bitter sweet. The best taste in the world.

Next dr appointment is on Monday Sept 27th.

Switching gears, here are some silly pictures of Brooklyn when we took her for her birthday ice cream at Baskin Robbins. (Sign up for a free scoop online, they'll send you a certificate on your or your kiddos birthday).

mmmmm, ice cream

"Brooklyn! Show me your teeth"

Nothing better than ice cream in your pj's!

"I'm TWO yeeers owd" Part 2

Matt & I were in the kitchen making dinner and heard her reading out loud from her Bible to her babies about Adam and Eve...can you say precious?

Birthday girl at breakfast on her "special day"

One of her fav gifts from Uncle Jack- a doodle pad built into a princess book!
Fruit tart at breakfast on her Birthday
Goof-ball
Dad, Te-Te, gwampa Chuck, gwama Lisa, uncle Jack and Mom
Aunt Claudia and B reading princess book for the ummm millionth time

Aunt Claudia and B had a great time together!

A birthday cookie, complete with TWO candles on her actual birthday

Mom, Aunt C and I feeling #2 move


What a weekend!! Family, friends, food, fun, fun, fun!! Brooklyn and I drove past a park the other day and she said "look mama, my party's at the park, gonna have some cake and presents". Ahhh, yes, we are two and we understand exactly what a birthday means. Can't wait to see what kind of fun we have at THREE!

"I'm TWO yeeers owd" Part 1: The Party

What a weekend!! What a fantastically wonderful weekend. The party was soooo fun, and best of all, the birthday girl had by far the best time of anyone! She was so thrilled to have all her fam and best friends there to sing to her and give her presents and CAKE oh the joy of cake to 2-5 year olds. The cake scene was hysterical. Matt went to tell all the kids on the play structure that it was time to sing to Brooklyn and then have cake and they all stopped dead in their tracks, looked at him and screamed at the top of their lungs "CAKE!!!!" and then a stampede came for me. I was laughing so hard (and sweating a bit from all the little humans screaming cake at me) it was a precious scene.

Here are some pics from the big day.

26 week Ultrasound

This baby is GROWING and I mean growing! I was told our baby is on the large size for my gestational stage. This on the heels of getting weighed and finding out I'm on the big size for this baby's gestational age. I am not going to share the magic number, but let's just say I am about 7 lbs away from my TOTAL weight gain with Brooklyn and that was 4 days past my due date with her! What in the world???!!

Baby's heart rate was 145, weight estimated to be 2.7lbs. Mind you that's 97th percentile!! Big old Bessie (or Bruce) I'm growing. They were only going to be concerned if my glucose test came back high, but got those results yesterday and it was a perfect score- so big baby it is :) I am skeptical about their "guess" since they estimated Brooklyn would be 8lbs + and she was only 6.12 lbs. I know these 3d pics are a little freaky, but I think he/she is gorgeous so had to post. This baby looks identical to B at this age, literally, identical! The nose, lips and those cheeks :)

:

TWO years old!!

Brooklyn Michelle is officially TWO years old as of 1:41 pm today. How is that possible? Her birthday party is tomorrow, Sunday, so will post an update with party details and pictures later.

We had a very eventful day Friday which included a shopping trip to the mall and Toys R Us, then a fantastic lunch (topped off with the birthday song) at Red Robin with my aunt Claudia and uncle Bill (or uncle billy as B calls him). They came all the way up from Napa to celebrate with us (we love you guys, thank you for spoiling my child :)

Then she had her first ever sleepover with her te-te (Bethany) which was fun for everyone! Matt and I got a date night and went to dinner with some amazing friends and had a great evening. As we were getting ready to leave for Bethany's, Brooklyn hopped up to the desk in the office where Matt was and he turned to her and said "Wotcha doing Brooklyn?" and her response..."I'm working on some pictures". Hysterical! I obviously do that and must say it to her whenever I am editing new pics on the laptop. Classic bean!

To my sweet daughter,

I cannot believe it has been two years since you entered our lives. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. I have never felt joy like the moment I saw your perfect face and heard your cry. With the exception of the day I saw your dad waiting for me at the altar on our wedding day, your birth was the most memorable, amazing, blessed day of my life.

This past year has brought so many changes. You talk non stop...and I mean NON STOP. My favorite thing to do is listen at your door when you first wake up, you talk to your doggy's, babies, blankies, lambie and God. Your voice is the sweetest sound on earth, except when you are screeching/whining :) But even then, I am grateful.

You moved to a big girl bed! You love it. It's your twin mattress on the floor, but you were SOOOO ready to get out of that crib. You began jumping out of your crib at 18 months.

You have learned to count to 20 in english and you almost have up to dies in Spanish mastered (you alway skip quarto), you have learned primary colors, your left and right hand and foot, and all your shapes! There are no words you cannot repeat or sound out anymore. Your vocabulary exploded at about 16 months. You are truly a sponge.

Oh ya, and you are a total klutz. I am *told* that you are just like me at your age. You have had more bumps, bruises, bonks, scrapes and cuts than any other child we know. It's just who you are. Your little body can't keep up with you!

My prayers for this next year: for you to continue to grow as a loving God centered young lady. For myself, as your mother, to know how to handle you and your strong will and adventurous personality with grace, love, compassion and appropriate discipline.

I love you more than anything in the world precious girl. Thank you for the two best years a mommy could ask for...and a few premature grey hairs :)

All my love forever,
Mommy

24 weeks along!

24 week stats: baby is weighing in at 1lb (give or take) and as long as an ear of corn or a large papaya (about a foot long). Wow! I will never cease to be amazed by the creation of life. It is truly a miracle. Eyes are fully formed, and baby's hearing will be completely formed by the end of next week.

I feel great, and this baby seems to take after his/her sister and gets the hick-ups often. I remember my tummy vibrating from top to bottom when Brooklyn would get them. I just love to feel this baby move...it always makes me catch my breath. There is not one time I don't just marvel at it and thank God all over again for keeping this child alive, healthy and safe and sound until delivery.

As for names, we haven't made much more progress, but I loved all of your suggestions. At this point the front runners for girl names are:

Harper

Autumn

Kate (my first pick, but it's going to take some major convincing on matt's part- he dated a Kate in college and it's just kind of weird, which I totally get)

**What if we spelled it Cate? Hmmm.

Luke Henry Feenstra 8.10.2007

Today is the 3rd anniversary since we said goodbye to our sweet baby boy. Luke Henry Feenstra was born into the arms of Jesus at 8:52 pm on August 10th, 2007. He was just over 5 1/2 inches long, small enough to hold in the palm of our hand. He was beautiful, 10 fingers, 10 toes, perfect little lips and eyes closed.

I have spent more time reflecting and remembering Luke's short time with us this year, I am sure it is because I am pregnant again, and that in itself draws a myriad of emotions out of me. I went to our caring page to re-read the journey as well as pullled out my personal journal from my pregnancy with him. It feels like a lifetime ago and like yesterday all in the same. Losing a child (wether pregnant 10 days or having a child here on earth for years) is something you never get over. I don't think God intends for us to ever "get over it". It's a scar Matt and I carry that no one else can see or feel.

"This has been the most difficult week thus far for me, as I watch my precious belly grow, I fall more and more in love with this child, and there are moments where it is so hard to keep a brave face on. I have to remind myself that I am not strong enough to pull through this on my own, and wasn't created to do so, God just waits for me to cry out to Him, and I always do, it doesn't mean it's any less difficult." I wrote this on 8.6.10 (right around the time he passed)

It is amazing to look at Brooklyn and know that He knew her name even during that season of our lives, he knew she would be the first child we would raise here on earth. It truly blows my mind, because in the end I wouldn't change a thing, but even that is hard to say out loud, as the longing for my son will never disappear.

Matt's post on Aug 10, 2007 3:20pm
"To our beloved family and friends,I know you all have been waiting to hear news about our ultrasound appointment this morning. Lauren and I found out the news this morning that the Lord had called Luke Henry Feenstra home sometime this past week. As I write this post, Lauren is laying in a hospital bed in the OHSU labor and delivery wing, preparing to have labor induced. I am home for a few moments to collect some things we need, and then running back to the hospital to be with my beautiful, courageous wife. This has already been one of if not the single hardest days of my life, so amplify that by about 10x and that's probably how Lauren is feeling at this moment. We need your prayers now more than ever, as we are in for 24-36 hours at the hospital and must go through the angony of a still birth. We know that the Lord has shown his incredible mercy to Luke and to our family. We believe that the Lord knew that his path would have been one filled with pain and decided to instead take him up in his arms and give him a life of joy. For that we are grateful. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers this weekend.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything...Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
James 1:2-4,12
Amen. "

I am so thankful to have all these memories, posts, journal entries and pictures to help me remember him. What a treasure. I have spoken to women who lost children during a time where it was not appropriate to grieve a miscarriage or still birth, they were supposed to suffer silently, move on and not speak of it again. That breaks my heart, as we remember by speaking the name of those we lost. I praise my Lord and Savior that Luke never had to know pain here, he was fortunate enough to go straight to Jesus, and live a perfect life from the start. Thank you Lord, for knowing more than simple me.

WHAT MAKES A MOHTER
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
And I know I heard him say.
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true.
But God can you be a Mother
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can He replied
With confidence in His voice
I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay
I just don't understand this, God
I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared His throat
And then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom
Who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quickly
My mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."
So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are ok
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home
They'll be at the gates for you.
So now you see what makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize you are a Mother,
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
And you know you're the best one!
-Jennifer Wasik