what a week

Last Tuesday my mom called to tell me she was heading down to San Diego to be with my Grandma Mary. Grandma Mary, 95 years old, started getting less stable at a rapid speed right before we left for Sunriver. I called my mom on Monday while out doing my grocery shopping (when we got home from Sunriver) and Grandma was the same and my mom was planning on heading down to see her in two weeks. The next morning I was a a play date with some friends, talking about all my mom was going through, when I missed a call from her saying her ticket was booked, Grandma was dying quickly and my mom was leaving that afternoon.

 

I got home, put the kiddos down, hit the floor and prayed my heart out in preparation for what was lying ahead.

 

The back story (even further).

My mom got a call that her oldest brother (she is the youngest of two older brothers) was diagnosed with very aggressive cancer right before Christmas. He was put on hospice about two weeks ago. Then, the Friday before we left for our Sunriver weekend I found out she had been laid off (a blessing in disguise) and my head started spinning.

 

So, to recap, Friday my mom is laid off, Tuesday she leaves to be with her mom, Wednesday her brother passed away, 18 hours later she was there, laying with her mom when she passed away.

 

By Friday (Good Friday) I was at the end of myself emotionally. I decided to pack the kids (and multiple changes of clothes) up and head to Canon Beach for a quick day trip.

 

We hit the road, Brookyn said "mom, where are we going" and I told her it was a surprise. Both kids fell asleep in the car, when they woke up we were literally pulling into Canon Beach.

 

On the drive over it was pouring.

 

 

I literally prayed "God, should I just turn around and head home? Was this a mistake?" By the time we hit the road it was already 11:30. I turned around to see both my babies fast asleep, so I turned the music off and kept driving.

 

We pulled up past the hills to see this scened...

 It was a glorious day. The kids played in the water for two solid hours. Chasing the waves, running from them, digging for shells, trying to find buried treasure, playing hide and seek up in the tall grass. It was exactly what our souls needed. I'm telling you, kids have a sixth sense. Neither of them knew anything that had transpired in the hours preceding our trip, but they were just as restless as I was to get in the car and drive.

We got to the sand, plunked our blankets and buckets down, tore off our shoes and socks and basked in the glorious sun, listened earnestly to the crash of the waves and embraced the cool wind blowing on our face. In that moment the song that kept playing through my mind was "It is well with my soul"....and in that moment...it was.

This little girl definitely shares her mamas passion for the vastness and power of the ocean. She reminded me so much of myself as a young girl. Fearless, enamored and in love with the waves.

We went into town and grabbed an ice cream cone and latte, sat in the sun for a while longer, and then headed home. It was a whirlwind of a trip, but EXACTLY what we needed.

My heart is just broken for my mom. She is handling all of it with such grace and beauty. Mom, I love you, I will always love you and if I could take this pain from you I would.

Sunriver weekend

Last weekend Kristin and Gary gave us the weekend at their house in Sunriver. We LOVE our time in CO. Matt took a half day and we hit the road for three nights over there!

 

We went straight to dinner Friday night and then had a low key early to bed night once we got settled in.



Great way to start the trip! Naps all around

The views on the drive over never disappoint

B & mama at Sunriver Brewery for dinner Friday night

On Saturday morning we went into Bend to take a Barre3 class together while the kids hung out with some other littles their age in the child care. Then we went to breakfast at the Mckay house which I had read amazing reviews on.

Saturday morning. So thrilled to be in the SNOW



Matt's first Barre3 class :)

It was single handedly the best dining out experience we've ever had with the kids. They had coffee and heat lamps all set up on the porch for the wait, as well as this great patio spot where we warmed our hands.

Then the kids shared a breakfast which came with two of these adorable bunny pancakes. They brought out a fresh fruit platter for each kid the second we sat down, along with crayons and these things called silly swirls to shape into all sorts of fun things. Then as we were leaving they brought the kids up to the front desk to give them a "present" which was a bag of their home made granola. Seriously awesome!

This pretty much sums up the whole weekend. Lots of silliness! :)

 

Then we headed to the park and played and then off to our wonderful friends, the Vlach's house for some fun visit time.

 

The boys were having a ball blowing out a candle together (we quickly discovered they both shared a love for flames...yikes ;)

Brooklyn, Ben and Canon

 



On Sunday we packed up and headed toward Bachelor to go sledding. Kelly, Travis and Canon joined us. The kids (and adults too) had a fantastic time. The weather was wonderful and the kids were troopers. We had a great lunch and then headed home for some quiet time. 

Kelly, Canon, Brooklyn & I

 

Sunday night we stayed in, made dinner and went walking. The kids favorite was of course the horeses that live three houses down. Brooklyn decided to make names up for them since we had no way of actually knowing their names. I think this time they were Shimmer, Bella and Lucy. All girls, of course.

It was a perfect weekend. Exactly what our souls needed. My favorite memory however is not one I took a picture of. It was when I walked into the room the kids were sharing to find Matt on the floor reading to them. Such a look of ease on his face. No preoccupied thought floating in the back of his mind of what paper was due the following week or prefacing his time with them with "ok, I can read for 20 min and then daddy needs to go study". It made me smile and sigh*





Pictures, pictures, pictures!

I never want to forget this moment from today.

Ben hurried into the bathroom, naked, his little buns clenched together saying "I need to go POOPY!"

I pop him up on the toilet, he grabs my hands in his like he always does to balance. He then pulls his forehead to mine and says "mama, you my beeeeessssst fwiend".
I started crying I was so touched.

Other funny benny-ism's as of lately:
He pushed the crusts of his pbj across the table to me and declared "I don't yik my chan-chinch!"
He loves to make "jokes" like his sister does. A few nights back at the dinner table he said something we couldn't quite catch like this "I going to go get mine...CHEESE!!! Ahhhahahahah" He thought it was the funniest thing he'd ever said OR heard so he repeated it over and over and we were all in hysterics because each time he'd say it he'd get a little louder and then laugh a little harder.

He was running in circles in our living room and tripped, he almost landed in the corner of the table. Thank God he didn't. He picked himself up and said "dat was pwetty cwose!!"

My favorite things he says lately are: "fanks" (with that precious lisp) and "oh, sowwy bout dat"

Brooklyn had a "make up" class for ballet a few weeks back. So we were there in the afternoon instead of the morning. As we were leaving we passed a room where a teenage girl was doing a solo dance performance for her class. Brooklyn and Ben stood outside the door to watch. I look down at the doorway to see Ben has laid himself down on his belly, head resting in his hands watching this girl in awe. It was hilarious. For a total dudes dude, he sure loves to be one of the girls.

celebrating grams birthday

Brooklyn continues to love school, anything having to do with dance, clothes and animals. Here are a few outfits she's picked for herself over the past few months. I have to be sneakier about getting the picture because I don't ever want her to think I'm taking it to make fun of her, actually, it's quite the opposite. I adore that she LOVES and owns her sense of style. I know people from time to time question why I let her decide entirely what she wants to wear daily, it's simple: she loves doing it. To her it really is a way to express the mood she's in or what she feels like embodying that day. Yes, I would love to have a little more say just because that's one of the fun parts of having a daughter, but who am I to tell her what looks good and what doesn't at age 4? I look back on pictures now or at friends who have daughters that are 2 and realize she wanted to dress herself then! She is a strong willed little one.

love this girl

Choice for a rainy Tuesday: neon green socks, sparkly open toed sandals, pink sweat pants, Rapunzel night gown, grey blazer

A chill Friday night at home in the Feenstra house consists of a little cross dressing fashion show :) Yes, that is Ben's hat, polo, cord pants made into capris, and his kicks that are too big.

Trying on her Easter dress that Mimi bought her. Such a poser.

Trying on clothes in the brass plum at our mall mother daughter date last weekend.

This one I picked for her the other day. she HATES jeans, so this was a one time only sighting.

Here was a song she was singing for Ben and I at lunch after school on Monday. I love this precious girls heart and the love she has for our heavenly Father. What a treasure.

Here are some other pics I have been meaning to post for a few months

valentines day visit with Mimi and papa

all boy- he loved playing with worms

sweet girl showing off her dinosaur hat she made at school for dino week

love this, she was reading her "cook book" while lounging in the sun on the sidewalk

bff's

I watched my friend Christie and Jinger's kiddos after school last Friday: Brooklyn, Ben, Noah, Noah, Natalie and Elsa. We had a blast!!

whip cream hits in the mouth

Brooklyn and Kali playing dress up :)

diva...DI-VA!
 

Blessed: divinely or supremely favored.  That is the one word that comes to mind when I scroll through these pictues. I don't remember life prior to my children, or my amazing husband for that matter. I crave authenticity, it's part of my dna, and if you've read my blog for any length of time you know that. Marriage and parenthood is hard work (I actually can't stand talking to people who claim other wise), but it's the best kind of work that exists.  I am so humbled that God gave me these people, all of them, husband, babies, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, the whole chebang.

 

Happy spring! He is risen

 



Symposium

Matt's symposium was this morning at the main George Fox. I feel like I can't even write this post without posting the actual video of his speech. I can't possibly do it justice in my own words.

So, as soon as I get that in my hands I will upload it.

In the meantime, my cliffs notes will have to do.

Here was the quote he wrote to focus his speech around. He had this effortless way of bringing humor, heart and wisdom into every word he spoke. His topic was essentially talking about having the courage to follow something with such persistence and perseverance that you inspire others to have or find their dream. His main character...me. To say I am humbled...well, I'm beyond. He shared our story, but made it mainly from his vantage point. Holding my hand in the delivery room with Luke, letting me lead us down the road to healing after each loss, me giving myself the blood thinner injections after taking 9 different supplements in *hope* of having a healthy child at the end. He gave me all the glory, and left the entire audience with warm tears streaming down their cheeks. If you have never had the chance to listen to Matt speak or read something he has written as personal as our losses are, or his journey to going back to school or his parents divorce, then you cannot truly understand what an articulate and passionate person he is. He is the most amazing person I've ever know. Ever. But I digress, he used the story about me in our trial to have a family, as the example of what having a vision and following no matter what the cost looks like. His delivery was effortless, he looked at ease, confident, yet extremely in touch with the audience and himself. I was beaming through tear stained eyes the whole time.

At the end, he put down his notes and looked out across the stage to where I was sitting and spoke right to me, as though no one else was in the room. Expressing his love, adoration and respect for the fight I put up for our two children, for us. I truly had no idea this was what he was talking about, which made it that much more incredible to hear.

Matt, I would compare how I felt in that moment, to how you must have felt when you watched me birth our two perfect children. Wow, just wow. You are amazing my love. God has given you gifts which He is certainly going to use for His glory, just as he already has in the story He has given US. I love you!

ONE more class!!!!

getting ready to watch daddy

She was quite pleased to be there to cheer him on

Kids: the latest

Ben, you have a bit of a crayon peeling fetish. You love to sit next to your sister while she's coloring and methodically peel the paper off the crayons.
When we watch a show first thing in the morning you say "nuggle me" you love to snuggle. You and your sister often fight over my lap.

You still love trains, trucks, cars, and all other things boy. However, you also love to play dress up with your big sister who ropes you into games of "house" or "princess". You came out the other day wearing nothing but one of her tutus and dress up high heels declaring "I princess!"

I have to watch you like a hawk. You have lots of nick names these days. Your auntie Kristin, Dionne and Emily call you ALVIN. From Alvin and the chipmunks. I feel this one needs no further explanation. Your sister lovingly refers to you as "Mr. turd". We call you "curious Ben" and the most common one heard around here is BENJAMIN. Your full name, with no nonsense in our tone :)

The picture below is of you after you put your hands in the paint while picking your sister up from school, I truly can't leave you alone for a moment. You dipped your hands in the paint and then wiped them down your face. It's times like these that I don't know whether to spank you or hug you. You are such a turkey, but it's such a demonstration of your bright and gregarious personality.

A few weeks ago I gave you your vitamin (it's one of those hard chewable vitamins) and I came back in to find you saying "where it go? my nose?" and I paused, looked at you and said "Ben...did you put your vitamin up your nose?" to which you replied "yes! my vitamin in my nose!". Well, thankfully your dad was still home so he could hold you still while I pried it out with the tweezers. You'd really jammed that thing up there.

A week after the vitamin incident you and I were playing/cleaning in the garage while Brooklyn was at ballet. I came in the house to grab something (mind you the door was wide open so I could still hear you) when suddenly it got quiet. I realized I couldn't hear you anymore so I cam rushing out. Your Thomas ride toy was down at the end of our driveway by the street and you were NO WHERE to be found! No joke son, FIVE minutes later (and a lot of screaming and running around like a chicken with my head cut off) I spotted you in the neighbors yard across the street hiding from me. You had spotted the cat and apparently chased after it. I was so happy to find you I couldn't even bring myself to discipline you right then. That incident, I am confident, shaved a good 5 years off this old girls life.

On valentines day we met Christie, Noah and Natalie at the park for some play time. You ran down this giant hill that led to the tennis courts. You were playing on the path with your shoes for quite a while, just having fun all by yourself. Christie and I were perched at the very top of the hill so we had a vantage point to keep an eye on all four of you. I looked over to the play structure to watch your sister do the monkey bars and I turned back to see you...buck naked...running up and down the grass yelling something I couldn't make out. In the minute I looked away you had disrobed from your shoes, socks, pants, shirt AND underwear. I went rushing down the hill to hear you chanting at the top of your gleeful lungs "nakey boy, nakey boy, nakey boy". Child,  you would spend every waking second naked if we'd let you.

Brooklyn:
You think "McDonalds" with the golden arches is called "Old McDonalds"

You recently learned how to swing across the monkey bars! This was a big thing! You tried and tried last summer, so to succeed at it this last time at the park brought a big smile to your face (and mine too :)

You have entered the stage of being fearful. You are very scared of the smell of car exhaust, you don't like to be left alone in the front of the house, you are terrified of the sight of blood.

Mimi found a box of my old ponies, barbies and polly pockets. You have been in hog heaven. The polly pockets in particular have brought you so much joy. It's been a lot of fun playing with these with you...and watching you enjoy them.

You had so much fun making your valentines with me this year. We went to Lowes and picked up some paint samples (stole this idea) and then put suckers in them. You wrote your name on every single one, and without complaining once might I add! Here you are showing off your handy work!

 

I feel like there are SO many other things you two say and do on a daily basis that I want to remember! I am going to try to be better about writing those things down here more often. I love you both!! You keep me smiling and keep me on my toes. xoxo- mom

Grandpa Chucks Birthday = BEST Letter Ever

We went to a great, kid friendly restaurant on Monday night to celebrate G'pa Chucks birthday. They had a kids section of toys, so the kids did great. Plus, it was a burger joint so fries are always a quick way to my kids hearts. Brooklyn actually declared at one point "This is a pickle and fry kind of night!!" If only anything made my heart skip a beat like a fry basket does for my kids :) Love the innocence.

Before we left Brooklyn drew a beautiful picture for his birthday card and then brought it over to me, asking me to write down what she wanted to say. This is verbatim what it said. To say this made us all smile, especially Grandpa, is an understatement. It got laughs and tears.

Dear Grandpa Chuck,
You are my favorite Grandpa. You have always been my favorite Grandpa. You have always loved me for joy. And Grandpa, you have an amazing heart. God, will you love Grandpa Chuck for always? Grandpa will you love God for always? I love your big heart. Now Grandpa, what do you like playing with me when you are at my house? Grandpa you are the favorite Grandpa of my whole life. Do you like to have fun and take me to Old McDonalds? So God, will you just love my Grandpa and take all his sin? You cleansed Grandpa Chucks heart from sin.
I love you.
Love Brooklyn

*** Dad, when you read this know that when I asked her what her birthday card would say to Papa it was that you are her favorite Papa of her life. She has a lot of love to go around for her peeps ;-)

It was a very fun night filled with lot's of bad for you food, kisses, smiles and laughs. Happy birthday "GWAMPA"! We are still two days later talking about cake and fries. In the words of Benny after we left "dat was fun gwampas birday!"