1,2,3,9,8

This afternoon was a rough one. We were supposed to meet up with some friends at the park and due to no one being able to get their act's together, we didn't make it. I was so frustrated, both kiddos were crying and whining and so although we didn't have time to make it across town to play at the park I decided to take us somewhere....anywhere. We loaded in the car and made a game time decision.

Brooklyn suggested we go to Oak Creek, the elementary school up the street. We got there while  after school care going on, so lot's of little first and second graders playing. There were two little boys (both in first grade) who took a major liking to Ben. They kept bringing him the ball and prompting him to play "catch" with them. Ben was so funny, fascinated and flattered, but still doing his own thing. He'd lose interest and wander away, then they would come back up to him and ask him some more questions. He was in the best mood, offering me kisses and holding my hand. It was pure sweetness. One of the boys said to the other "that baby is really cute. Babies love me...a lot". Haha

Brooklyn & I played house together, played on all the equipment, snuggled on the swings with her in my lap. She even looked up at me at one point while swinging and offered a simple quiet "I love you". It was pure gold, all of it. Honestly the best trip to the park in as long as I can remember. Mostly due to my complete focus on them, allowing them to guide me in their play and my willingness to participate, not just stand by and watch distractedly (which I do a lot).

As I listened to the conversations of the little kids there, I couldn't help but tear up a few times. A hot topic amongst my closest groups of friends lately has been how close we are to real school starting, and how truly soon these days of having my babies to myself 100% will be coming to an end. On exceptionally difficult days I long for those days to hurry up and get here, but in reality I am dreading it with all my heart. Gulp. They still LONG to have me right next to them, to be pushed on the swing, to have their hands held as they walk along the retaining wall, to lay down on the jungle gym pretending it's our bed to sleep in...with them. I keep hearing, from those ahead of me in life, that I'll long for these days back, and today I got a glimpse of the present, side by side with the all too near future. "The days are long but the years are short". They are.

Ben truly thinks this is how you count to ten. His favorite number is two. Everything is two. I know that I'm going to blink and he will be counting to 30 just like his sister, so today I'm going to cherish the 1,2,3,9,8 of this life.

26.2. Bam.

Holy #$%&!! I ran a marathon. I did it, like actually, really, truly did it.

As Matt and I have been sitting her talking I was reminiscing about how when he signed up I felt this pressure to do it, not for the joy of saying "I've ran a marathon" but so that I wouldn't be home and resentful to him for being out there running all those long runs on the weekends.

The truth is I have mourned more for him than rejoiced for myself. My husband is my hero. He is the strongest man I have ever known (along with my dad) and I could not respect him more if I tried. He didn't pout when the Dr told him the marathon was a pipe dream with his knee for this year, he mourned yes, but then with a smile on his face he pushed me out the door for each and every weekend long run I had and greeted me with encouragement, and a reminder to thank God for my healthy body...basically "don't you dare whine to me about shin splints" :)

So this morning was very bitter sweet. Kind of feels like my life's motto. With every blessing, I can also clearly see the sadness of what's been lost.

I woke up at 4:40, sipped my coffee, had my quiet time, ate my oatmeal and the kicked it into high gear! I was genuinely pumped. Bethany picked me up (Thank You Buff!) 5:30 and I was down on the waterfront by 6. I found my corral, wandered around, checked my stuff, hit the port-o-pots (25 min wait btw) and was ready to rock.

The first four miles were AMAZING!!! I passed my long, old dear friend Ang and her sweet family right about mile 4 while they were out to cheer me on. So good to see a familiar face!

Then at mile 8 I started to feel some tightness in my hip flexors. First opportunity to tap into the mind over matter. Kept going.

Mile 14 Christie, Jinger and Wendy were there to cheer me on! Seeing those bright smiles and hearing them scream "you're doing amazing, keep going!!!" quite literally kept me going. I sent Matt a text saying "half way there, gonna be a long second half" with this pic. Oh wait, I just looked at it for the first time and it's horrible, so no pic post :)

So, then the grit began. We ran down hwy 30 and once we hit the hill to go up to the st john's bridge my legs and feet felt like jello. I kept telling myself..."you've run much farther than this, just keep going".

At mile 17 I started counting down the miles, not up anymore.

Mile 18 I literally hit the wall. I wanted to stop more than anything. I no longer cared who was passing me or who I was passing. All goals were out the window. All I knew I HAD to do was finish strong and not walk.

Mile 22 I passed Christie, Wendy and Jinger again. It was like another shot to the system. It also helped that we were heading down the hill past the Adidas headquarters and hills are my friend. I just kept telling myself "you have 6 miles, you can do six miles" "you have 5 miles, you have done 5 mile runs a hundred times" and so on.

We crossed the Broadway bridge and I felt like it was me and 3 other runners. The pac had thinned and it was nice to have some breathing room.

Home stretch. I was over the bridge, it was just another 1.2 miles. YESSSSSSSS!!!! At this point all the thoughts of quitting and walking were long gone. All I could think was "just KEEP running". So I did, albeit quite a bit slower than the start :)

It's strange, the run up waterfront park felt strangely quiet. I kept thinking "where are all the supporters". I rounded the corner to 3rd and there was EVERYONE!!!!! On the left was Matt, the kids, Chuck, Lisa, Bethany, Jack, Lisa's sister Pam and her husband Frank and on the right Mom, Dad and Ashley. Amazing. Pure joy.

I ran as fast as my legs would take me. Literally, I sprinted until I crossed the finish and felt like I was going to puke.

Final time: 3:58:05
My goal was 4:10

Sooooo pleasantly surprised. I also crossed the finish not only to find a rose, medal, shirt and chocolate milk awaiting me, but dozens of text messages from all my amazing friends and family. Priceless.

Some of my favorite signs along the course were:

"I don't know you, but I'm proud of you"- held by 8 year old girls
"Don't poop (out)" haha
"Hurry, run faster, they're running out of beer"
"Chuck Norris never ran a marathon"
"You can't stop now, we're all watching"
"I love tight buns" this one just hit my funny bone right when I needed it.

Carbo loading Sat night with Christie and Jinger

Get this, pizza with spaghetti on top!

Ben woke up right before I left @ 5:30am!!

Tete and Brooklyn on the sidelines

FINISH LINE!!!!

One of my favorite signs!


 

Sunday Funday

We decided to play hooky from church this morning and go enjoy the day as a family. Portland has the most amazing fall weather. The NW in general has pretty amazing weather in September and October, a crispness in the air, semi warm temps still lingering and orange and red sprinkled throughout the trees.

We headed down to the waterfront and wandered through the market up to the steel bridge.

 

We followed our waterfront walk up with a visit to Little Big Burger in the pearl. What more could you want? Burgers, right on the light rail line, with amazing fries = very happy Feenstra's.

East Coast Style

Brooklyn and I headed to Virginia to visit Matt's sister Erin, her husband Jonathan and my precious, amazing niece Justine. Oh, how i.love.this.baby.girl.

She is the BEST baby. I still can't get over it. Goes to bed at 11 and doesn't wake up until 7am!?!!!!? Huh? This is so foreign. Ben didn't sleep like this until he was ONE!!!!! So not fair, but happy for them (she says with gritted teeth and a smile).

We had the best time. It was so nice to just be in charge of one kid...and even more so, one kid that I could shoot "the" look at and she would simmer down immediately. The other kid (I'm not naming names) would have given me a giant run for my money on this trip. Picture Ben in DC. Yowzas.

We rode the metro into DC on Saturday down to the mall.

We walked around in desperate need for food when we first arrived, so checked out the National Gallery of Art, where we enjoyed the worlds most expensive cafeteria (thanks for lunch tete) , saw the WA monument, the castle, capitol building and the worlds best carousel (according to Gilly :)

Here's my cheesy tourist photo.

On Sunday I attempted an 8 mile run...alas I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest so I wrapped it up a mile early. The humidity there is BRUTAL. I came home awfully appreciative of my amazing Portland weather. Portland is weird, I agree, but it's one hell of a place to have a running habit.
Later in the day we hit the Pier down on the water, overlooking the city of DC. We toured the Gaylord Hotel (where I've already dreamed up a trip to stay Christmas of '14). Simply gorgeous. We window shopped, stopped to feed/hold Justine, let Brooklyn play in the sand and then had a fabulous mexican dinner.

Monday we headed to the National Cathedral. This was by FAR my favorite part of the trip (aside from the amazing company and alone time with my girl). Simply (or not so much) breathtaking. I'll let the pictures speak for themselves on this one.

For dinner we headed to Georgetown and then after some sparkling chardonnay hit the shops. Bethany, Jonathan and Erin talked me into buying some full price yoga pants (you'll get the joke if you were there...or if you know me...I don't buy full price yoga pants...ever). Thank you very much lowered inhibitions due to sparkling chardonnay-- I have been living in them :)

Tuesday we hit downtown DC and checked out the White House followed by lunch before we left for home.

SOOOOOO amazing. I can honestly say it was everything I thought it would be. I don't really know what I thought it would be, beside, once in a lifetime. To see the home our presidents have resided in, such history, such growth, such pain, such...change. It was truly humbling to stand outside those gates.

Greeting our boys at baggage claim later that night, on the other side of the country was pretty stinkin awesome too. Brooklyn looked at me earlier in the day and said "I'm ready to see our boys". Me too my love, me too.

Since being home she has played numerous games of "going to the east coast" in which she and Ben put back packs on and head out to "DC". So funny. I am going to treasure the memories she and I were afforded the opportunity to make together forever. I pray she will too. Thank you to my amazing husband for not only wanting us to go have this experience but providing the money to do so. I feel blessed beyond measure.

Oh ya, I miss my niece, sis and brother in law immensely too. If you are reading this, I'll hire you for nothing to come live here, job starts asap.

Cousin photos shoot pics to end with. They loved each other. A lot.

It's getting real in here

I had the opportunity to talk with an amazing teacher at Brooklyn's school this afternoon, teacher Kathi, about my children. The kids just played in her classroom while we rapid fire pow wowed.

A little background: Kathi is incredible. So full of wisdom and all of it from years and years of experience with her own children (who are grown) and seeing moms in this exact same season of life come through her class room year after year. She is just WISE beyond comprehension. She genuinely cares, and is all about doing what God DESIRES for us to do as parents.

I wasn't going to share this on the "blog" but I feel it would be remiss of me not to...as it is at the heart of so much of where my energy is going right now (and has been for some time).

It has been a joke amongst my closest group of friends that Ben is like my abusive boyfriend. He has been biting and hitting for some time now. For a long time I went with the excuse "he's just young, he doesn't know any better" or "he's just trying to express how frustrated he is". WELL, last Wednesday he had a majorly off day. Woke up at 5:10, napped for an hour and was up from nap by 1. So when we went to the park that afternoon before Matt got home with a few other friends, he was exhausted and in a mood. I totally forced it. I really wanted to get out and get some fresh air.

Ben was playing with my friends son's car that they had brought from home to the park. The little boy walked over to Ben to retrieve his car, and it happened before my eyes in slow motion. I watched as Ben leaned over, wrapped his arm around the boy's back and pulled his entire cheek and ear into his mouth and clamped down. It was HORRIFYING. I swooped Ben up, ran straight to the bathroom and disciplined him. He was hysterical, the poor baby who got bit was hysterical. And that's how the park date ended. He made the boy bleed! I have never in my life felt such a rage of conflicting emotions. How can you love your child more than life itself, and hate them too? Yes, I felt absolute hatred at that moment for him...and for myself for not being able to stop it (or perhaps, not doing anything to prevent it). I called teacher Kathi the moment I had the kids loaded up in the car and left her a vm, in between sobs, explaining that the camels back was broken, irreparably and I need HELP! I need wisdom, I am 100% teachable, and need to be poured into to get through this *temporary* season in my son's life.

So today she laid out some things I have been mulling around in my own head, I just needed to hear them from someone who does this for a living, dealing with honory two year olds :) Ben needs consistency. He needs his will bent (much like his sister did at this age as well) and most importantly he needs me to lay down the law that biting will never be acceptable, ever...as well as hitting. If we are somewhere fun, say a play date or birthday party and he gets physical we leave instantly. No second chances. She also told me we need to limit those severely until we're through this season. So we are going to be pretty controlled and chill in our house over the next several weeks. I am going to have to watch him like a hawk when we are somewhere public. All in all, it's an easy enough thing to correct, and I know he will not be going to college biting his professors, but this can't go on any further and I am desperately ready to be out of this stage.

Benjamin, I love your amazing spirit. You are the funniest boy I've ever known, but right now...you are giving your mama gray hairs and crows feet. If it continues I am going to start stealing from your college fund for my eye lift and spa treatments.

handsome little devil

I am going to report back periodically with our progress (God willing) or regression (God forbid). Pray with me :)

On a brighter note (still scary) the marathon is less than 2 weeks away!!!!!!! Eeeeek.

Brooklyn & Ben Lately

Tonight we watched Mary Poppins as a family, Brooklyn LOVES this movie.

The scene where the chimney sweeps are jumping all over the roofs was on and she looks at us and said, "that's not a very safe".

Then the scene where the dad is on the phone with the bank manager she chimes in again "that's a cool phone". Matt and I looked at each other and laughed, how dated we are already :)

At her first night of Awana's the other night the teacher asked the group "who do you think loves you more than anyone in the whole world, more than anyone else or anything?" Brooklyn raised her hand and said "God". I have never had the opportunity to see her in class, so this kind of gave me a peek into her in a classroom scenario. She did great. I was a very proud mama.

She continues to dance and "ballet" all day, every day. Today she came out with leg warmers on and wanted to put on a show for me, so how could I not get some pics of this cuteness!

Ben has discovered Elmo

Multiple times a day "eeemooo?" "peeeease, eeeemmo?"

It's really cute. Brooklyn was never really into Elmo, and Matt can't stand elmo, so it was bound to come :)
He also continues to be super into trucks and trains. If we drive over train tracks he says "mama, choo-choo". He has discovered a book that was one of Brooklyn's favorites at this age "Mazy drives" and it talks about all the things Mazy drives. We read that one at least 30x day.

This video was Benny a few weeks ago after the first time he said back hoe.

I feel like these two say and do stuff every day that either makes me shake my head in disbelief or laugh out loud.

Turning FOUR

Brooklyn celebrated her birthday wayyyyy too many times. So here it is in pictures:

Her birthday party with all her friends was at a fabulous park out in Hillsboro. The weather was really windy that night, so my plans of all the kids playing with bubbles in the fountain were thwarted, but the kids still seemed to enjoy themselves. I wish I had a pic with all the kids gathered together. What a cute bunch!!! We had pizza, cake and lot's o' fun!! After the party Matt and I let B stay up with us and open her presents and just relished the alone time focusing on her. I think we were up til almost 10:30 just laughing, talking and watching the eternal fashion show with her new loot.

 

Then we celebrated with matt's family at playdate pdx on her actual birthday and had dinner and played, and played, and played! We had a great time. I was sad my parents and sister couldn't make it (my dad was out of town) but we celebrated with them on Sunday (yes, yet another celebration) and I was so spent I got zero pics. So sad :(



Kali couldn't make it to the party so Kris and Kal planned a special day for little miss and that was yet another wonderful time! We were on cake overload :)) But if you're going to overload on something...don't you want it to be cake??