It's getting real in here

I had the opportunity to talk with an amazing teacher at Brooklyn's school this afternoon, teacher Kathi, about my children. The kids just played in her classroom while we rapid fire pow wowed.

A little background: Kathi is incredible. So full of wisdom and all of it from years and years of experience with her own children (who are grown) and seeing moms in this exact same season of life come through her class room year after year. She is just WISE beyond comprehension. She genuinely cares, and is all about doing what God DESIRES for us to do as parents.

I wasn't going to share this on the "blog" but I feel it would be remiss of me not to...as it is at the heart of so much of where my energy is going right now (and has been for some time).

It has been a joke amongst my closest group of friends that Ben is like my abusive boyfriend. He has been biting and hitting for some time now. For a long time I went with the excuse "he's just young, he doesn't know any better" or "he's just trying to express how frustrated he is". WELL, last Wednesday he had a majorly off day. Woke up at 5:10, napped for an hour and was up from nap by 1. So when we went to the park that afternoon before Matt got home with a few other friends, he was exhausted and in a mood. I totally forced it. I really wanted to get out and get some fresh air.

Ben was playing with my friends son's car that they had brought from home to the park. The little boy walked over to Ben to retrieve his car, and it happened before my eyes in slow motion. I watched as Ben leaned over, wrapped his arm around the boy's back and pulled his entire cheek and ear into his mouth and clamped down. It was HORRIFYING. I swooped Ben up, ran straight to the bathroom and disciplined him. He was hysterical, the poor baby who got bit was hysterical. And that's how the park date ended. He made the boy bleed! I have never in my life felt such a rage of conflicting emotions. How can you love your child more than life itself, and hate them too? Yes, I felt absolute hatred at that moment for him...and for myself for not being able to stop it (or perhaps, not doing anything to prevent it). I called teacher Kathi the moment I had the kids loaded up in the car and left her a vm, in between sobs, explaining that the camels back was broken, irreparably and I need HELP! I need wisdom, I am 100% teachable, and need to be poured into to get through this *temporary* season in my son's life.

So today she laid out some things I have been mulling around in my own head, I just needed to hear them from someone who does this for a living, dealing with honory two year olds :) Ben needs consistency. He needs his will bent (much like his sister did at this age as well) and most importantly he needs me to lay down the law that biting will never be acceptable, ever...as well as hitting. If we are somewhere fun, say a play date or birthday party and he gets physical we leave instantly. No second chances. She also told me we need to limit those severely until we're through this season. So we are going to be pretty controlled and chill in our house over the next several weeks. I am going to have to watch him like a hawk when we are somewhere public. All in all, it's an easy enough thing to correct, and I know he will not be going to college biting his professors, but this can't go on any further and I am desperately ready to be out of this stage.

Benjamin, I love your amazing spirit. You are the funniest boy I've ever known, but right now...you are giving your mama gray hairs and crows feet. If it continues I am going to start stealing from your college fund for my eye lift and spa treatments.

handsome little devil

I am going to report back periodically with our progress (God willing) or regression (God forbid). Pray with me :)

On a brighter note (still scary) the marathon is less than 2 weeks away!!!!!!! Eeeeek.